People sometimes cut someone out of their estate plan or leave them comparatively little in order to show their disapproval or disappointment with them. For example, a mother who feels her daughter should have been around more in her old age may reduce her share of the estate. A father who has never accepted that his son was gay may cut him out of the will altogether.
Other reasons people might do such things include being upset that someone failed to follow their religion or profession, married someone they advised against or has fallen into a drug habit.
You can only guess at the motives of others
Let’s say your daughter “abandoned” you in your latter years. She might not think of it like this. She may have had other things on her plate and did what she felt she needed to do. If that was prioritizing furthering her career or attending to her children rather than spending time with you, that is her prerogative.
Maybe she, too, feels she should have done more to be with you and wishes she had done things differently. Would you still feel the same disappointment or anger if you knew that? Would you want to add to her grief by punishing her through your estate plan?
Take the example of the drug addicted child. What if their addiction stems from a feeling of being unloved? What if your rejection of them in your estate plan only worsens their addiction?
If you are upset with someone or their choices, the best thing you can do is try and talk to them about it while you can. Maybe you even want to tell them you are planning to leave them out of your estate plan.
Sometimes the seriousness of the situation can lead to a breakthrough in communication that benefits you both, as well as others who may be left feeling upset by a punitive estate plan or affected by any challenge to the will. Remember, too, that other options, such as conditional trusts. Having experienced estate planning guidance can help you determine how best to navigate these and other challenging situations.